Have you ever been angry with some­one and felt you needed to cor­rect them or get your point across?  Many times when peo­ple are mad, they use the word “You” and “You” becomes offen­sive or accu­sa­tional to the other per­son caus­ing them to go into defense because the one angry feels they have to fix the other per­son or blame to cor­rect them.  It is a form of con­trol.  Avoid blam­ing so try not to blame oth­ers before you know the facts.When in com­mu­ni­ca­tion with some­one regards to dif­fer­ences, feel­ings, etc. it is bet­ter to begin with What are bet­ter than ques­tions begin­ning with Why to avoid defen­sive responses. While I agree with some points, I believe this argu­ment neglects the more impor­tant word: YouThe word you in each of those ques­tions that car­ries the accusatory tone, not the why.  The word you com­mands atten­tion and can put the other per­son on the defensive.

Not only that it is talk­ing down to the per­son and not show­ing respect.  Peo­ple who blame oth­ers tend to overem­pha­size them­selves while at the same time under­em­pha­siz­ing the neg­a­tive effects of their actions .

In relaion­ships, manip­u­la­tion can be defined as: any attempt to con­trol, through coer­cion (overt or covert), another person’s thoughts, feel­igs or behaviors.

Manip­u­la­tion is usu­ally attemtped using power, unso­licited help­ing, res­cu­ing, guilt, weak­ness, and/or depen­dence, in order o achieve a desired outcome. 

Bound­aries are state­ments about our val­ues and where we stand on issues.  True bound­aries are not threats or about get­ting the other per­son to do what we want through guilt, shame, power. 

 When you don’t put the per­son in defense, then most likely the Lord can deal with the person’s heart.  Oth­er­wise, when the word “You” is used, it blocks God to move in your behalf.  Many times the Word “You” is a judg­men­tal and accu­sa­tion and offen­sive.  Both sides of the argu­ment slashes the word “You” and both are hurt and angry and takes much longer to bring heal­ing and forgiveness.

When you avoid the Word “You”, the heated con­ver­sa­tion can be con­trolled much bet­ter and much peace.

by: Traci Morin, Ordained Min­is­ter Heal­ing and Deliv­er­ance,
Chris­t­ian Speaker, Writer

Touch of God Heal­ing Min­istries Dal­las, Texas